Wednesday, October 22, 2014

HI Honey. This is daddy...


Monica Lewinsky


911 call

There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this: 

Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. 

It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire department right away? 

Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves.

You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal!

Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?

I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk! 

Help me please, please help!

Sunday, October 19, 2014

An old country doctor...

An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out that there was no electricity. 

When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby.

The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.

"Hit him again," the child said. 

"He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!!"

Ebola Response Team


Thursday, October 16, 2014

NO SEX AFTER SURGERY

A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, Anne Maynard, has sued St. Luke's Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.

A hospital spokesman replied:

"Mr. Maynard was admitted for cataract surgery. 

All we did was correct his eyesight.