Wednesday, August 27, 2014

What day is this?

Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is."

"Of course I do," he indignantly answered, going out the door on his way the office.

At 10 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opens the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long-stemmed red roses. 

At 1 PM, a foil-wrapped, two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrive. 

Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. 

The woman shouldn't wait for her husband to come home. "First the flowers, then the candy, and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never spent a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my whole life!'

Coffee!


Thursday, August 21, 2014

The Jewish Samurai

There once was a powerful Japanese emperor who needed a new chief samurai. So he sent out a declaration throughout the entire known world that he was searching for a chief.

A year passed, and only three people applied for the very demanding position: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai.

The emperor asked the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai. The Japanese samurai opened a matchbox, and out popped a bumblebee. Whoosh! went his sword. The bumblebee dropped dead, chopped in half.

The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!"The emperor then issued the same challenge to the Chinese samurai, to come in and demonstrate why he should be chosen. The Chinese samurai also opened a matchbox and out buzzed a fly. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh! The fly dropped dead, chopped into four small pieces.

The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!"

Now the emperor turned to the Jewish samurai, and asked him to demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai. The Jewish Samurai opened a matchbox, and out flew a gnat. His flashing sword went Whoosh! But the gnat was still alive and flying around.

The emperor, obviously disappointed, said, "Very ambitious, but why is that gnat not dead?"

The Jewish Samurai just smiled and said, "Circumcision is not meant to kill."


Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Young girl's first wedding

A young girl was attending her first wedding, watching the proceedings with interest for a while before growing restless.

The groom stood at the altar as six bridesmaids walked slowly up the aisle, one by one.

Soon, the girl leaned over to her mom and whispered, “Why doesn’t he just hurry up and pick one?”


Tom was invited to his friend’s house for dinner.

Tom was invited to his friend’s house for dinner.

He found that his buddy called his wife every cute name in the book: honey, darling, sweetheart, pumpkin, and baby.

When she was in the kitchen, he leaned over to his friend and said, “I think it’s nice you still call your wife all those pet names.” 

“To tell you the truth,” his friend said, “I forgot her name about three years ago.”


Tuesday, August 19, 2014

A little boy knocks at the door...

A little boy knocks at the door and tells the owner that something of his had found its way into her garage, and he wanted it back.

The homeowner opened the garage and noticed two additions; a baseball and broken window sporting a baseball-sized hole.

“How do you suppose this ball got in here?” she asked the child. 

Taking one look at the ball, one look at the window, and one look at the homeowner, the little boy exclaimed,