Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Bill Clinton, Bill Gates and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed...

Bill Clinton, Bill Gates and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?"

Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more Freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die." God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left."

God then addresses Bill Clinton: "Bill, what do you believe in?"

Bill Clinton replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain."

God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right."

God then addresses Bill Gates: "Bill Gates, what do you believe in?"

Bill Gates says, "I believe you're in my chair."



 

Monday, July 21, 2014

A newsboy was standing on the corner...

A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it; Fifty people swindled!” Fifty people swindled!

Curios, a man walked over, bought a paper, and said, "Hey kid, this is an old paper, where’s the story about the big swindle?” 

The newsboy ignored him and went on calling out, "read all about it; Fifty-one people swindled!”


Sunday, July 20, 2014

Pregnant

A mother carefully explained to her young daughter how children were created.

She used the expression “carrying a child” instead of “pregnant,” but the girl seemed satisfied.

Sometime later, a terrible fire broke out in the neighborhood, and the girl stood by watching. 

Here is how she described the scene to her parents: “There was this big fire, and a fireman ran into the house, and when he came out, he was pregnant.”


Lion

A guy was walking along the street when he saw a crowd of people running towards him.

He stopped one of the runners and asked: “What’s happening?”

The runner replied breathlessly: “A lion has escaped from the zoo.”

“Oh my, which way is it heading?”

“Well you don’t think we are chasing it, do you?”


Saturday, July 19, 2014

I have good news and bad news

Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?

Doctor: You've had an accident involving a bus.

Patient: What happened?

Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?

Patient: Give me the bad news first.

Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.

Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news?

Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.