Sunday, May 22, 2016

Baby's First Doctor Visit

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.

The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breastfed or bottle-fed.

"Breastfed", she replied.

"Well, strip down to your waist." The doctor ordered.

She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk."

"I know", she said, "I am his Grandma."

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Monday, May 16, 2016

A 4 year-old's first paycheck


Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 4-year-old girl & some construction workers that will make you believe that we all can make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time.

A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot.

One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 4-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Eventually the construction crew, all of them "gems-in-the-rough," more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, & gave her 20 little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars.

The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her 10 dollars "pay" she'd received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed & asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.

The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."

"Oh my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

Sunday, April 24, 2016

Abdul I swear if you fart right now…


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Country Refreshment


A man was on a long walk in the country. 

He became thirsty so decided to stop at a little cottage and ask for something to drink. 

The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire.

There was a baby pig running around the kitchen, running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention. 

The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly.

The housewife replied, 

Friday, April 22, 2016

Flower Request


"I'm sorry," said the clerk in flower shop, "we don't have potted geraniums. Could you use African violets instead?"

Replied the customer sadly, 

Thursday, April 21, 2016

Good enough…


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Public service announcement from the liquor store.



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I learn something new everyday.


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Did You See Who It Was?

The young man comes running into the store and says to his buddy, "Tommy, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!'

Tommy reacts, "Did you see who it was?"

The young man answers, "No, I couldn't tell... but I did get his license plate number!"

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Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Five surgeons from big cities...


Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who make the best patients to operate on. 

The first surgeon, from New York , says, 'I like to see accountants On my operating table because when you open them up, everything Inside is numbered.'

The second, from Chicago , responds, 'Yeah, but you should try Electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.'

The third surgeon, from Dallas , says, 'No, I really think librarians Are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: 'You know, I like Construction workers...Those guys always understand when you have A few parts left over.'

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington , DC shut them all up when He observed: 'You're all wrong.

Politicians are the easiest to operate on. 

There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine. Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable.

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