tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-65788309696343656132024-03-13T04:15:35.428-05:00Today's Nutty JokeStart your day with a laugh. Jokes, cartoons, funny pictures, funny stories...Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger1565125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578830969634365613.post-12128833643792158582018-11-15T15:49:00.000-06:002018-11-15T15:50:27.336-06:00Passing Gas<br />
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<strong style="background-color: #f2f2f2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: inherit;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg78uG31y4e3fkOgMfxoEMdjeLNMzB9t399cgwhxnVA7PgL1CrdW0cFNpxmoFZPCyRtm3VK6VF1vb9N5dWIFkOX3k96vhKOPomIEg4BE3pfu9jYPegZEFnQYJL3aJaKDh1E1EaOwIAvKg/s1600/gas.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="182" data-original-width="277" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg78uG31y4e3fkOgMfxoEMdjeLNMzB9t399cgwhxnVA7PgL1CrdW0cFNpxmoFZPCyRtm3VK6VF1vb9N5dWIFkOX3k96vhKOPomIEg4BE3pfu9jYPegZEFnQYJL3aJaKDh1E1EaOwIAvKg/s1600/gas.jpg" /></a></strong></div>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me... </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.</span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578830969634365613.post-62911656493303836382018-09-13T16:57:00.002-05:002018-09-13T16:58:17.899-05:00Women working down the road...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1eth2vs-o04sOo13XviIVfo5c0br0UvY1o2EU4oxv-Ie2xhTNNYMq50n2tF8_ENE_KcHnYIH9rXqFYKAXb0PuKo_39nyFclH46y4IvQG-VqnDjT0FALqdJBuasNcq11Jq5BS3hnnXhQ/s1600/hole.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="173" data-original-width="292" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1eth2vs-o04sOo13XviIVfo5c0br0UvY1o2EU4oxv-Ie2xhTNNYMq50n2tF8_ENE_KcHnYIH9rXqFYKAXb0PuKo_39nyFclH46y4IvQG-VqnDjT0FALqdJBuasNcq11Jq5BS3hnnXhQ/s1600/hole.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">A man is sitting on his porch when he notices two blondes working down the road. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">They both have shovels. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">One of them digs a hole and the other immediately fills it in. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">The man watches them for a few hours and finally approaches them, "You guys look like you're working hard. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">But I'm not sure what you're trying to accomplish."</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">One of the blondes replies, "Well there's usually three of us, but the one that plants the trees is sick."</span></span><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578830969634365613.post-14553242265509529072018-09-11T17:02:00.002-05:002018-09-11T17:02:45.664-05:00Change For A Dollar?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxgc0SaAxgFs7lRSTwAxe5r82r3GIEIGyRXO_ru0B-R4LH4CYf7mW6k8DANdG9UnSRAGDgnOKFl2GlBZ7wN9sayyVa-EiRA28BISPp_DTbzy2LI6fkaHYqxHG0CUBiMhzo5Nd3IU9IWA/s1600/private.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="281" data-original-width="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxgc0SaAxgFs7lRSTwAxe5r82r3GIEIGyRXO_ru0B-R4LH4CYf7mW6k8DANdG9UnSRAGDgnOKFl2GlBZ7wN9sayyVa-EiRA28BISPp_DTbzy2LI6fkaHYqxHG0CUBiMhzo5Nd3IU9IWA/s1600/private.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">A private is standing outside in the smoking area when he is approached by a young lieutenant, "Private, do you have change for a dollar?!"</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The private replies, "I sure do pal."</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The lieutenant yells back, "I am not your pal! </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">You will address me as an officer and give me the respect I have earned maggot! </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Stand at attention and tell me again, do you have change for a dollar?"</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The private, now standing perfectly erect says, "Sir, no sir!"</span></span><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578830969634365613.post-29666924272447617162018-09-09T10:59:00.002-05:002018-09-09T11:00:25.233-05:00Bible Salesman<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-7GUQgTt5-teXVEzs2OKMQ1IZ6Hv_VNOd1m_Z_7K-1x7tNfbIvTKU7B7hjwTIE_x4LyNGPy5agvBI45UKtUeNc6iYFZamhPkVH2FdqdG8Gy19dirudE2Ygz0NRK6Ms_AnNE0yk-8YRA/s1600/bible.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="225" data-original-width="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-7GUQgTt5-teXVEzs2OKMQ1IZ6Hv_VNOd1m_Z_7K-1x7tNfbIvTKU7B7hjwTIE_x4LyNGPy5agvBI45UKtUeNc6iYFZamhPkVH2FdqdG8Gy19dirudE2Ygz0NRK6Ms_AnNE0yk-8YRA/s1600/bible.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">A man meets the best Bible salesman in the world. The salesman greets him, "Nuh, nuh, nuh, nice to meet you."</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The man asks him, "If you don't mind me asking, what's your secret?"</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The salesman replies, "It's suh, suh, suh, simple. I juh, juh, just go to the duh, duh, duh, door and suh, say, 'Duh, duh, duh, do you wuh, wuh, want to buh, buh, buh, buh, buy a bible? </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Or wuh, would you luh, luh, luh, like muh, me to ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, read it to you?'"</span></span><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578830969634365613.post-63656992007602977382018-09-08T09:55:00.001-05:002018-09-08T09:55:07.370-05:00Rabbit droppings<br />
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<strong style="background-color: #f2f2f2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: inherit;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_NZilxwXrs7WdIOxFq9e5lxXV8m0_K13m4xm18kdrR7s-BtckbR7ZPUj9KVTUTQbuvH_bayu0W9rN57hrqJ31UM-7Be_rbLtZ8bK_9B4EqdqUBSnKoWlyQ8JbTet29_Mt8BZIWR09cQ/s1600/rabbit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="163" data-original-width="310" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_NZilxwXrs7WdIOxFq9e5lxXV8m0_K13m4xm18kdrR7s-BtckbR7ZPUj9KVTUTQbuvH_bayu0W9rN57hrqJ31UM-7Be_rbLtZ8bK_9B4EqdqUBSnKoWlyQ8JbTet29_Mt8BZIWR09cQ/s1600/rabbit.jpg" /></a></strong></div>
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Johnny is on his grandpa's farm in the rabbit enclosure. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The ground is covered in rabbit droppings. Johnny asks, "What are all of the pellets on the floor grandpa?"</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">His grandpa replies, "Oh those? Those are smart pills. You eat them and you get smarter."</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Johnny likes the sound of that so he grabs a large handful of them and shoves them into his mouth, "Yuck! Grandpa, these taste like crap."</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">His grandpa replies, "You're getting smarter already."</span></span><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578830969634365613.post-92074906039887955922018-09-07T18:17:00.003-05:002018-09-07T18:17:59.162-05:00Watching the news...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiXG-rpdd9XxqnQAiGWpkwqkBo9ckvf1LQt5vroCnSvaolDFf_EwOrOVWHTIIY8zwch0tuiIoimqIJ5diB9wte8m3qF8nQiFgDDwL7g5lDhiP87xyDEFeiQxuZMpsEgQAUPS23doHlTQ/s1600/bridge.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="169" data-original-width="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiXG-rpdd9XxqnQAiGWpkwqkBo9ckvf1LQt5vroCnSvaolDFf_EwOrOVWHTIIY8zwch0tuiIoimqIJ5diB9wte8m3qF8nQiFgDDwL7g5lDhiP87xyDEFeiQxuZMpsEgQAUPS23doHlTQ/s1600/bridge.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">A blonde girl and her boyfriend are at a bar watching the news. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">Suddenly a news story comes onto the screen, a man is standing on a bridge threatening to jump. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The blonde says "I bet you $100 he doesn't jump."</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Her boyfriend takes the bet and the man eventually jumps. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">After the blonde pays her boyfriend he admits to her "I saw this on the news an hour ago, take your money back."</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">She replies "I saw it too. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">I just never thought he would jump twice in one day!"</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">cause.</span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578830969634365613.post-82497837168840903322018-08-31T17:18:00.001-05:002018-08-31T17:18:19.327-05:00Sherlock Homes and Watson<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKLVxG2vOqz0mF9VDQKeAugp65KY55MQKfnrXC3zYac3FehPTPZKCped7P4mEmQCef5NYh1zk4V4biMsYlwYhFdyjY9tgyHwpxJCrSRN0eSZVL85Df-vuplkKUyw_Es0np95qdX2JCeA/s1600/camping.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="172" data-original-width="293" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKLVxG2vOqz0mF9VDQKeAugp65KY55MQKfnrXC3zYac3FehPTPZKCped7P4mEmQCef5NYh1zk4V4biMsYlwYhFdyjY9tgyHwpxJCrSRN0eSZVL85Df-vuplkKUyw_Es0np95qdX2JCeA/s1600/camping.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">Sherlock Homes and his partner, Watson, are going camping. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">After a few hours of sleeping under their tent, Sherlock wakes up Watson. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">When Watson finally wakes up, Sherlock says "Watson, look up, what do you see?" </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">"I see billions of millions of stars in the distant universe." </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">Replied Watson. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">In response, Sherlock says "And what can you conclude from that?" </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">Watson begins to go deep into the theory of space, but less than three sentences in, Sherlock cuts of Watson and says </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">"No you idiot, it means someone stole our tent."</span></span><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578830969634365613.post-75252661939107990092018-08-30T16:45:00.001-05:002018-08-30T16:47:43.752-05:00Names<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEia0pZ8lPoCaqUvYjd9PasQe9zwQSHnTTl6eiN_dZ90sIE9BM5R4xSDU_2PzUkpDGVBrM-ghyi2qEgqTRSotnh6ieJzgn5rDbBIAds5DI8qPXtmyVHUplTM23KbdXnM6XaxqNL9oxVUmg/s1600/name.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="195" data-original-width="260" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEia0pZ8lPoCaqUvYjd9PasQe9zwQSHnTTl6eiN_dZ90sIE9BM5R4xSDU_2PzUkpDGVBrM-ghyi2qEgqTRSotnh6ieJzgn5rDbBIAds5DI8qPXtmyVHUplTM23KbdXnM6XaxqNL9oxVUmg/s1600/name.png" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: #f2f2f2; color: #333333; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">A man's children were curious about their names. The man's daughter asked him, "Dad, how did I get my name?" The father replied, "Well, you were laying down under a tree and a rose fell on your head, so I named you rose." </span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The second daughter asked, "Dad, how did I get MY name?" The father replied. "Well, you were laying down under a tree and a lily fell on your head, so I named you Lily." </span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Then his son came in the room and yelled, "RAAAAAAAHHHHHHRRRRRR!!!" </span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The father replied, "Shut up, Brick!"</span></span><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578830969634365613.post-24579011142223390592018-08-29T17:25:00.004-05:002018-08-29T17:26:51.643-05:00Long Flight<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDqrTDfeRFowYijO3noiadF4ybBbQohaKhtZGtoOiWQNjhAkeusqQaNj6aYNZ1iT6Xc97QPJK8buBsucuFlBg8UdWwKioNage-p5hY8CsJOD8i9SlYoTutg9z4ucX7TaWt_JWuEqnqsQ/s1600/long.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="168" data-original-width="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDqrTDfeRFowYijO3noiadF4ybBbQohaKhtZGtoOiWQNjhAkeusqQaNj6aYNZ1iT6Xc97QPJK8buBsucuFlBg8UdWwKioNage-p5hY8CsJOD8i9SlYoTutg9z4ucX7TaWt_JWuEqnqsQ/s1600/long.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">A man is on a long flight and he starts shaking. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">A flight attendant notices he is disturbed and asks him if she can do anything to calm him down. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">He says yes so she brings him a drink.</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">An hour later he is shaking again but even worse. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">So she gets him another drink and brings it to him.</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Another hour goes by and now he is crying. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The flight attendant approaches him and the man yells </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">"Why are you people doing this to me?"</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The flight attendant replies </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">"Sir calm down, why are you so afraid of flying?"</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The man replies "Flying? </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">I'm trying to get sober!"</span></span><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578830969634365613.post-30655885357354307802018-08-28T19:13:00.001-05:002018-08-28T19:13:20.482-05:00Twins<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbZjjpXnGHCcZihVFFhu7_mM2qEjGwxwCULW0bx9kPu3cMGTrKjuWpfIqC1vFSweSfkBja8CpNzA7qwM_SJXQrSIEab9lSNure50FRdCdbSfERCn_A6IOPvuz9dkuV3OmYP8KFnmQWfA/s1600/twins.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="668" data-original-width="1003" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbZjjpXnGHCcZihVFFhu7_mM2qEjGwxwCULW0bx9kPu3cMGTrKjuWpfIqC1vFSweSfkBja8CpNzA7qwM_SJXQrSIEab9lSNure50FRdCdbSfERCn_A6IOPvuz9dkuV3OmYP8KFnmQWfA/s320/twins.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">A woman had twin babies and fell asleep immediately after. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">A couple of weeks later she finally wakes up and asks the doctor "Where is my baby?!"</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The doctor replies "They are both fine, you have a beautiful boy and girl. Your husband went back to work and you were out so long that your brother named them."</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The woman looked concerned "Oh no. What did he name them?"</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">"He named the girl Denise," The doctor replies.</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The woman, relieved "Well that's not so bad. What about the boy?"</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">"Denephew."</span></span><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578830969634365613.post-34684363245417643922018-08-27T12:11:00.001-05:002018-08-27T12:11:04.308-05:00Birthday Gift<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYiWEOEfgSlx02ndv0aUVuAfd9VxkYu50dSg8xAc4pp_7WmI2i1MWI-fvqLs-y-F9Mtc_WwBEwhNRGHzH9qNDiQdO8nFJYryC_qaTDVWWi9CVImqYxOtvQpwZy4966D3a_8ap9_VxXyw/s1600/gift.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="176" data-original-width="286" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYiWEOEfgSlx02ndv0aUVuAfd9VxkYu50dSg8xAc4pp_7WmI2i1MWI-fvqLs-y-F9Mtc_WwBEwhNRGHzH9qNDiQdO8nFJYryC_qaTDVWWi9CVImqYxOtvQpwZy4966D3a_8ap9_VxXyw/s1600/gift.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">It's Paige's birthday and she has been waiting for her gift from her boyfriend Trevor for months. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">All he told her was "I got you something that will change your life. It can go from 0 to 200 in a few seconds!"</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">When it finally comes time for Paige to open her gifts she notices Trevor only had a small gift box in front of him. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">She eagerly opens it wondering if it is something for her shiny new sports car. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">She looks at it and says "This can't go from 0 to 200 in a few seconds?"</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Trevor replies "It's a scale, just step on it."</span></span><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578830969634365613.post-14196074894497893192018-08-26T12:13:00.001-05:002018-08-26T12:13:18.113-05:00A devout Christian named Tom...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV5DNTufNK95pm-U1uhzFQwsBBwr_e39yDzZfeVFoi7tFToht8MzuH-DTZ3I00LAjZkzRnaBqA1Kf1_gtKN0QfDyIcIcVlNR2efG5SNAAwUr4Y5hZDW1eyT-klwh49paRM-6ozP0Z3kw/s1600/oxygen.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="140" data-original-width="361" height="124" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV5DNTufNK95pm-U1uhzFQwsBBwr_e39yDzZfeVFoi7tFToht8MzuH-DTZ3I00LAjZkzRnaBqA1Kf1_gtKN0QfDyIcIcVlNR2efG5SNAAwUr4Y5hZDW1eyT-klwh49paRM-6ozP0Z3kw/s320/oxygen.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">A devout Christian named Tom is on his deathbed. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">His pastor arrives and comes into his room. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">As soon as the pastor steps in Tom's condition worsens. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">The pastor quickly hands him a piece of paper to write one final message on. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">Tom quickly scribbles a message and shoves it back to the pastor. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The pastor thinks it would be better if he waits to open the message so he puts it in his pocket. Tom dies.</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">At Tom's funeral the pastor decides to share his final note with everyone. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">He pulls it out and reads it aloud, </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">"Asshole! Get off of my oxygen tube!"</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #f2f2f2; color: #333333; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><br /></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578830969634365613.post-10656802161178293432018-08-25T11:26:00.001-05:002018-08-25T11:26:19.514-05:00An Amish family goes to the mall...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYjUA3SeDitJeGliEhunEIgd_QSSliYEgunsUn97-EQlcOelqfeVLag0F3oqS0snxq6hRUuDCJKd_WpyYU1kZf5IDD52aiVlORGmNa4QotSzUAUTdanDPeYeLdm3_pgO-YcZlwXGNxHQ/s1600/elevator.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="276" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYjUA3SeDitJeGliEhunEIgd_QSSliYEgunsUn97-EQlcOelqfeVLag0F3oqS0snxq6hRUuDCJKd_WpyYU1kZf5IDD52aiVlORGmNa4QotSzUAUTdanDPeYeLdm3_pgO-YcZlwXGNxHQ/s1600/elevator.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">The daughters and mother go shopping and the father and son stop in front of two shiny walls that are sliding apart. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">An extremely large woman on a scooter rolls into the elevator and the shiny walls move back together.</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The man and his son watch as the numbers above the elevator slowly light up until the highest number is illuminated. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">Then the numbers begin to climb back down and the shiny walls once again part. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">A gorgeous blonde exits the elevator.</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The father, still staring at the woman, whispers to his son </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">"Go get your mother."</span></span><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578830969634365613.post-41876342824718042122018-08-24T11:07:00.002-05:002018-08-24T11:07:22.017-05:00Final Exam<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7sX7ileHU6viekkwC9s2h6AGQRz2q0B6UnvX0n7KNP7-W7PIcfTgAi_agVfVlhGMIqZpPcnsRyuDInZGf8pkg4oBL1VsocGXk0AJ-BKt4l7DueqeSoHVewrcxcNg8mNo43xxUDQ7Lww/s1600/exam.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7sX7ileHU6viekkwC9s2h6AGQRz2q0B6UnvX0n7KNP7-W7PIcfTgAi_agVfVlhGMIqZpPcnsRyuDInZGf8pkg4oBL1VsocGXk0AJ-BKt4l7DueqeSoHVewrcxcNg8mNo43xxUDQ7Lww/s1600/exam.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">A professor is about to give his final exam, "You must turn in your paper before 2 PM. I won't take it a second later."</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">2 PM comes and all of the students turn in their paper and the professor begins to walk to his office. One last student jumps up and approaches the professor, "I'm sorry I'm a few seconds late! You have to take my paper!"</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The professor says, "Nope, I made it very clear-"</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The student snaps at him, "Do you know who I am?"</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">He replies, "No I do not."</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">So the student grabs the stack of papers, puts his in the middle, and runs off.</span></span><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578830969634365613.post-91854217777045891362018-08-23T09:20:00.001-05:002018-08-23T09:20:22.435-05:00Circus<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVhMOIe4w2EfZ4i44-cU5UNAsDCzLBwXVNakQ7ekzOaQe0_TCOCyMYpLXRGHiBfYRxQqESQ2UiyOv5IlxYbflw7D2vsbboMWDEmcieIhyK9A7KLLPIPkWMUqf1JZNfqFriUgGZs7C81Q/s1600/circus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="218" data-original-width="233" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVhMOIe4w2EfZ4i44-cU5UNAsDCzLBwXVNakQ7ekzOaQe0_TCOCyMYpLXRGHiBfYRxQqESQ2UiyOv5IlxYbflw7D2vsbboMWDEmcieIhyK9A7KLLPIPkWMUqf1JZNfqFriUgGZs7C81Q/s1600/circus.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency looking to adopt a child, but the social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">So the couple produce photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">The social workers are satisfied by this but then raise concerns about the kind of education a child would receive while in the couple's care.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">The husband puts their mind at ease, saying, "We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills."</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Next though, the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">This time the wife explains, "Our nanny is a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet."</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">The social workers are finally satisfied and ask the couple, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?"</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">The husband says, "It doesn't really matter, as long as the kid fits in the cannon."</span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578830969634365613.post-2852962326228144062018-08-21T15:24:00.002-05:002018-08-21T15:28:48.783-05:00Baby<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9n_hgakS5J8JLycIHVB4gyxv_z-j0c_Nrz5tRaCP4-oDQ0xsV8PXPdaJ6FeKaUXZcJDBGSBCMh9jBT1rsTtJrv3ZQgZHn2dyFisXGciMteoQx2hkvi0hV4Tf_kLFCg6xVsMyQlXCwDQ/s1600/first.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9n_hgakS5J8JLycIHVB4gyxv_z-j0c_Nrz5tRaCP4-oDQ0xsV8PXPdaJ6FeKaUXZcJDBGSBCMh9jBT1rsTtJrv3ZQgZHn2dyFisXGciMteoQx2hkvi0hV4Tf_kLFCg6xVsMyQlXCwDQ/s1600/first.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">As a first grade teacher, I often hear from my students things going on in their family. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">Harry’s mother was expecting, and naturally Harry was very excited about it. When one day Harry stopped talking about it I was concerned and questioned him why. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">“Well”, Harry said, “my mother told me I could feel the baby moving in her stomach, </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">I thing she ate it!”</span></span><br />
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<br style="background-color: #efefef; color: #555555; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" />Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578830969634365613.post-81048826554695350932018-08-19T11:18:00.000-05:002018-08-19T11:18:10.517-05:00The way it used to be<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3wEfV58Pg23q5BcK031DchG4W3Jc39IVrY-ZzQQuFJKv0CtIti1DnXJ6pdHDcgPZF3uX3W7KvVm1EN9IiK6dkVahkcZHNP7nHmtdQLZw9-yPSyBKwd8nnTmh7cJiHgKGtPGIOYrjCyw/s1600/mexican.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="243" data-original-width="207" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3wEfV58Pg23q5BcK031DchG4W3Jc39IVrY-ZzQQuFJKv0CtIti1DnXJ6pdHDcgPZF3uX3W7KvVm1EN9IiK6dkVahkcZHNP7nHmtdQLZw9-yPSyBKwd8nnTmh7cJiHgKGtPGIOYrjCyw/s1600/mexican.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: jubilat; font-size: 25px;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: jubilat; font-size: 25px;"><span style="color: white;">It's this anti-immigration legislation that they're trying to push, where they would allow police officers to racially profile undocumented immigrants, especially people in the Mexican community. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: jubilat; font-size: 25px;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: jubilat; font-size: 25px;"><span style="color: white;">I think that's horrendous. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: jubilat; font-size: 25px;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: jubilat; font-size: 25px;"><span style="color: white;">But what amazes me is that people support this law. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: jubilat; font-size: 25px;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: jubilat; font-size: 25px;"><span style="color: white;">I was watching the news, this woman in Arizona, looking at a camera, straight faced, she says, 'Hey, we're just trying to bring the country back to the way it used to be.' </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: jubilat; font-size: 25px;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: jubilat; font-size: 25px;"><span style="color: white;">The way it used to be? </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: jubilat; font-size: 25px;"><span style="color: white;">Lady, you're in Arizona. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: jubilat; font-size: 25px;"><span style="color: white;">It used to be Mexico.</span></span><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578830969634365613.post-42232345833166762272018-08-18T09:57:00.001-05:002018-08-18T09:57:29.979-05:00A blonde woman found herself in a blizzard...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyAmBwi_FXp94E_n0yfJPtunfF9KYbF-t-gZXyrhk1gl8fE5oOYscyOto5VMarM0UcCuNlEptdAL8k0P2r9-zAdW-tmYEHY7SIN6BAr0lywwkN8HdzvpObVqKzS8PS-iTqT826iYuQFw/s1600/snow.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="168" data-original-width="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyAmBwi_FXp94E_n0yfJPtunfF9KYbF-t-gZXyrhk1gl8fE5oOYscyOto5VMarM0UcCuNlEptdAL8k0P2r9-zAdW-tmYEHY7SIN6BAr0lywwkN8HdzvpObVqKzS8PS-iTqT826iYuQFw/s1600/snow.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">A blonde woman found herself in a blizzard and didn't know what to do. But suddenly she remembered some advice her father had given her, "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, just follow a plow."</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Surely enough a plow soon comes by and she follows it. Forty-five minutes later the man driving the plow pulled over and confronted the blonde "What are you doing?"</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">She replies "My dad said if I get stuck in a blizzard I should follow a plow."</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The man with the plow snickers "Well I'm done with Walmart, you want to follow me to Target?"</span></span><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578830969634365613.post-65389099555286272472018-08-16T17:41:00.002-05:002018-08-16T17:42:53.647-05:00A motorist is speeding down the road...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZKGxxVcNTUrkMJ5p3Cs_tI0Is4S3a3799b4opUTlXmQ4VMPKnCgW8-MW4EuUc4Al-Wa-IHwXbankXRP4isGip2RflQKJGi8T1k22rt0_weWPODgKx0zKOeUJ-tqqohtyNKQPVQPsoTg/s1600/jail.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="169" data-original-width="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZKGxxVcNTUrkMJ5p3Cs_tI0Is4S3a3799b4opUTlXmQ4VMPKnCgW8-MW4EuUc4Al-Wa-IHwXbankXRP4isGip2RflQKJGi8T1k22rt0_weWPODgKx0zKOeUJ-tqqohtyNKQPVQPsoTg/s1600/jail.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">A motorist is speeding down the road when he is pulled over. The officer tells him, "Sir do you realize how fast you were going?"</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The motorist replies, "Yeah I know, but I have to go."</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The cop interrupts him, "Not so fast. You're going to have to wait for the chief to get back in a few hours."</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The cop immediately takes the man to jail. After a few hours the cop tells the man, </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">"You're lucky, the chief is on his way back from his daughter's wedding, he'll be in a good mood."</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The man replies, "I doubt it."</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The cop snaps back, "Why do you say that?"</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The man replies, "I'm the groom!"</span></span><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578830969634365613.post-36946534272525483112018-08-14T16:33:00.002-05:002018-08-14T16:34:10.827-05:00A large group of blondes...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeaPbYOYtXURnjee6cwNv4un5RuOYEOQMcihGJt0SnoHTdbD3lAJYOrgQgoVtMZpUF6z1yU0lCNPhsbGmKpzRo3YbFD-oR4acboSHgD6lT6zc4XQpQ4V-CZNIsYKtFUu50aY1y1aQ9Vw/s1600/blonde.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="241" data-original-width="209" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeaPbYOYtXURnjee6cwNv4un5RuOYEOQMcihGJt0SnoHTdbD3lAJYOrgQgoVtMZpUF6z1yU0lCNPhsbGmKpzRo3YbFD-oR4acboSHgD6lT6zc4XQpQ4V-CZNIsYKtFUu50aY1y1aQ9Vw/s1600/blonde.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">A large group of blondes gathered in the middle of New York City to prove once and for all they are smart people. They challenged everybody to ask any of them any question.</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">A man approaches them and accepts their challenge. He randomly picks a blonde woman and asks her "What is the first letter of the alphabet?"</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The woman replies "V!" The man tells her she is wrong and the group begins to chant "One more chance! One more chance!"</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The man replies "Okay okay. What is the capital of New York?"</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The woman yells "Toronto!" The crowd chants again "One more chance! One more chance!"</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The man indulges them "Okay fine, final chance. What is two plus two?"</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The woman yells "Four!" The crowd chants again </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">"One more chance! One more chance!"</span></span><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578830969634365613.post-3533501586516261182018-08-13T09:52:00.001-05:002018-08-13T09:52:09.696-05:00A pirate walks into a bar...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgknBBXHu_pLXIKdb_S7jDT57pkWPXQh2TUV0v-W-rWllLj7kaSWWmBwMN7rnjfaL2n26jKIlu5i01RN7EiE35YqFCwRV49Bq148uS161zAbK1YrQtslgzyIUlQptJLISu3suQtebmajA/s1600/pirate.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="225" data-original-width="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgknBBXHu_pLXIKdb_S7jDT57pkWPXQh2TUV0v-W-rWllLj7kaSWWmBwMN7rnjfaL2n26jKIlu5i01RN7EiE35YqFCwRV49Bq148uS161zAbK1YrQtslgzyIUlQptJLISu3suQtebmajA/s1600/pirate.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">A pirate walks into a bar with an eyepatch, pegleg, and hook for a hand. The bartender notices his leg, "How did you get that pegleg?"</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The pirate replies, "It were many years ago. I were walkin' on the deck when a wave swept a shark aboard. The shark bit my leg off!"</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">"Wow," replies the bartender. "What about that hand?"</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The pirate replies, "It were many years ago. I were walkin' on the deck when a wave swept a killer whale aboard. The whale bit my leg off!"</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">"Oh," replies the bartender. "How about the eye?"</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The pirate replies, "It were many years ago. I were walkin' on the deck when a seagull came outta nowhere and pooped in my eye."</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">"And that blinded you?" asked the bartender.</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">"No, it twas me first day with the hook."</span></span><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578830969634365613.post-46565554349907182382018-08-12T16:11:00.002-05:002018-08-12T16:11:55.196-05:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-DDsRWHrDigWuN4Wt-a8sKco6vHDQma9lky3qqnh3mgHEMPuXntHRev_linNrbAejautPhlYJ6bxWDd9qHXGGGfzhETbSLsBSPKXq4fIJJ0ADbtFoWJBodOBvnCDHfVAyLZSlbGByZg/s1600/rancher.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-DDsRWHrDigWuN4Wt-a8sKco6vHDQma9lky3qqnh3mgHEMPuXntHRev_linNrbAejautPhlYJ6bxWDd9qHXGGGfzhETbSLsBSPKXq4fIJJ0ADbtFoWJBodOBvnCDHfVAyLZSlbGByZg/s1600/rancher.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">A rancher was minding his own business when an FBI agent comes up to him and says, "We got a tip that you may be growing illegal drugs on the premises. Do you mind if I take a look around?"</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The old rancher replies, "That's fine, you shouldn't go over there though." As he points at one of his fields.</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The FBI agent snaps at him, </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">"I'm am a federal agent! I can go wherever I want!" With this he pulls out his badge and shoves it into the ranchers face.</span><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The rancher shrugs this off and continues with his daily chores. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">About 15 minutes later he hears a loud scream from the field he pointed out earlier. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">Suddenly he sees the FBI agent sprinting towards him with a large bull on his heels. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">The rancher rushes to the fence and yells </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="color: white;">"Your badge! Show him your badge!"</span></span><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578830969634365613.post-28749645810635432492018-08-10T15:34:00.001-05:002018-08-10T15:38:01.518-05:00Deep Hole<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXYUE1FjGQkP5uXsJ3Tt6_a61tHm0OarXhi3Rq8FX7qH4Ud0jEu5E-vUVC4nGrC3CeUSWOTHc3nDAJC19MtRuS2KbQKShdhq_VpaooXmxi4jsAWjLymOpURaeadDMbV8O_sjCOiuE7YQ/s1600/hole.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="194" data-original-width="259" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXYUE1FjGQkP5uXsJ3Tt6_a61tHm0OarXhi3Rq8FX7qH4Ud0jEu5E-vUVC4nGrC3CeUSWOTHc3nDAJC19MtRuS2KbQKShdhq_VpaooXmxi4jsAWjLymOpURaeadDMbV8O_sjCOiuE7YQ/s1600/hole.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Two guys are walking through the woods one day when they stumble across a big deep hole.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">The first guy peers </span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">into it and says, "Wow! That looks deep."</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">The second guy says, "It sure does. Let's throw a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is. We'll be able to tell the depth by how long it is before we hear the noise of the pebbles landing."</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">So they pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait. Nothing. There's no noise.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">The first guy says, "Jeeez. That is really deep. I know, let's throw one of these great big rocks down there. Those should make a noise."</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">So they pick up a couple football-sized rocks and toss them into the hole and wait... and wait... Again, nothing.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">They look at each other in amazement. Then the first guy gets a determined look on his face and says, "Hey, over here in the weeds, there's a railroad tie. Help me carry it over. When we toss that sucker in, it's gotta make some noise."</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">So the two of them drag the heavy tie over to the hole and heave it in. Once again, not a sound comes from the hole.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Suddenly, out of the nearby woods, a goat appears, running like the wind. It rushes toward the two men, then right past them, running as fast as it's legs will carry it. Suddenly it leaps in the air and into the hole.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">The two men are astonished with what they've just seen and look at each other in amazement.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Then, out of the woods comes a farmer who spots the men and ambles over. He asks them, "Hey, you two guys seen my goat out here?"</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">The first guy says, "You bet we did! Craziest thing I ever saw. It came running like crazy and just jumped into this hole and disappeared!"</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">"Nah", says the farmer, "That couldn't have been my goat. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">My goat was chained to a railroad tie."</span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578830969634365613.post-14758663455609046072018-08-09T17:12:00.001-05:002018-08-09T17:13:32.286-05:00Texas<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuIigTJdfshC9z1nSE1rDg0jaDTqXp-2nIrHIXciWj6FFyNewIeeVRUyhqJwvt0ancVZebqVVaaTulWC1bAB7DC4eoBgr0jVhKUeXo_zcktbSn1ca0Pjn78IdQXO8KqIZVk9xsAFR2jw/s1600/texas.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="225" data-original-width="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuIigTJdfshC9z1nSE1rDg0jaDTqXp-2nIrHIXciWj6FFyNewIeeVRUyhqJwvt0ancVZebqVVaaTulWC1bAB7DC4eoBgr0jVhKUeXo_zcktbSn1ca0Pjn78IdQXO8KqIZVk9xsAFR2jw/s1600/texas.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."<br /><br />When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit the hotel bar. Upon arriving to the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied "Everything is big in Texas."<br /><br />A little later the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped and entered the third door. This door lead to the swimming pool and he fell in by accident. <br /><br />Scared to death, he started shouting "Don't flush, don't flush!"</span><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6578830969634365613.post-50139923889291219442018-08-07T15:11:00.001-05:002018-08-07T15:12:47.484-05:00Beautiful Redhead<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiufz5d4hAuyBrLtC28l-DhxhOKXDeeGa6e-o9I1XlcZ1ty4MjDERypAh1LzVvyQXA0U8DHT3inLmjLxd9wQkWk_-X0thaNTlTm1YEThNqZevcRLQdInFJMwWOymN66GvwBfNPVKk6HoQ/s1600/red.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="275" data-original-width="183" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiufz5d4hAuyBrLtC28l-DhxhOKXDeeGa6e-o9I1XlcZ1ty4MjDERypAh1LzVvyQXA0U8DHT3inLmjLxd9wQkWk_-X0thaNTlTm1YEThNqZevcRLQdInFJMwWOymN66GvwBfNPVKk6HoQ/s1600/red.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">This guy is dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there's a beautiful redhead sitting at the next table. He's been sneakily checking her out ever since he arrived, but doesn't have the courage to start talking to her.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. His reflexes kick in and he reaches out, plucks it out of the air, and hands it back to her.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">The redhead is mortified. "Oh my, I am so sorry," she says as she pops her eye back into place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you."</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">So he joins her table and they enjoy a wonderful meal together. Afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks at a bar. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap. He says yes and they return to her place.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">He ends up staying the night. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed at how everything has been so perfect and how incredible this woman is. He can't believe his luck. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman, are you this nice to every guy you</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">"No," she replies, "You just happened to catch my eye."</span></div>
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