Today's Nutty Joke

A pirate walks into a bar with an eyepatch, pegleg, and hook for a hand. The bartender notices his leg, "How did you get that pegleg...

A rancher was minding his own business when an FBI agent comes up to him and says, "We got a tip that you may be growing illegal dru...

Two guys are walking through the woods one day when they stumble across a big deep hole. The first guy peers   into it and says, ...

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats ...

This guy is dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there's a beautiful redhead sitting at the next table. He's been sneakily ch...

Late one night a man is driving down the road, speeding quite a bit. A cop notices how fast he is going and pulls him over. The cop says...

After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiancée to his study for a drink. ...

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an en...

But he can't find a place to park.  In desperation, he begins to pray.  "Please Lord, if you help me find a parking stall ri...

He asks his driver on his way to the airport if he could drive around for a while because they have time to kill and he hasn't driv...

A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US.  After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. Th...

There were three guys in a hot air balloon, one said "We have too many of these." And dropped a piece of wood.  The second gu...

Two friends are walking their dogs -- a Dalmatian and a Chihuahua -- when they smell something delicious coming from a nearby restaurant....

A doctor reaches into his smock to get a pen to write a prescription and pulls out a rectal thermometer.  "Oh, damn it," he ...

A guy walks into a bar looking frustrated. The bartender asks, "What's the matter?" The guy replies, "Well I've go...

I started out with nothing ... I still have most of it. When did my wild oats turn to prunes and All-Bran? I finally got my head to...

Three fans were bemoaning the sorry state of their football team. “I blame the general manager,” said the first fan. “If he signed be...

He stops and asks, "Hey! Why are you eating grass?" The man replies, "I'm out of money, I lost my job and I haven...

When my three-year-old was told to pee in a cup at the doctor’s office, he unexpectedly got nervous. With a shaking voice, he asked, “Do...

I got a compliment on my driving today said a blonde to her friend.  There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”. ...